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Best funny Jokes Police

Here are the best funny Police jokes (112 jokes found):

- Crying about his life

Old Man On A Bench An old man of ninety was sitting on a park bench crying. A policeman noticed this and asked him why he was crying. “Well,&rdq...

- Reading the scripture

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in ...

- Try to explain yourself

While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling...

- Stop the drunk driver

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, “You drinkin'?” The driver sai...

- Rob the supermarket

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store. The three women decide to hide in three pota...

- All the strange names

One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up ...

- Go to save my friend

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite one friend or ...

- Why the big fight?

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wa...

- Better prison foods

Subject: You Deserve a Break TodaySan Francisco (UPI)In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. Califor...

- Outrageous lying

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: May I see your driver's license? Driver: I don't have one. I h...

- F. b. i. phone logs

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME. FBI agents conducted a raid ...

- Tell what happened

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervo...

- What is the future

My horoscope read, “You're going places and you can't be stopped. ” Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn't read it. ...

- Part of the service

Polceman: “I'm afraid that I'm going to have to lock you up for the night. ” Man: “What's the charge?” Polceman: “Oh, th...

- A missing person

Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman...

- Red fire fighter

There are four wheels and eight men on a fire engine. Four and eight makes 12. There are 12 inches in a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler. The Queen...

- Disorderly conduct

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1.t man: Oh, just throwing pe...

- Judge has some fun

A judge grew tired of seeing the same town drunk in front of his bench. One day the judge glared down at the man, who was still intoxicated, and thund...

- Excuse for speeding

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued, “Speeding??? But officer, I was on...

- Warning all shoplifters

Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten, gagged, whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of...

- Request before death

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. “Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. ” Yes, ” repl...

- Very stupid robbers

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, “I hear sirens. Jump!” The second one said, “But we're on the 13th floor!&rdqu...

- Chatting on the plane

A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate. “I've got a great policeman joke. Would you li...

- The new cia agents

Three men are going through CIA training, trying to become secret agents. They finally got through all their written and physical tests when they are ...

- Purchasing the brain

A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, “Well, this Ph. D. brain costs $10, 000. ...

- Policemen in heaven

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. “Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?”“I was a polic...

- Charged for speeding

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, h...

- Make a last request

Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day were led down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had given t...

- Don't arrest the judge

A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. H...

- Lawyers get robbed

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the custo...

- Debate the stop sign

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop. After several minutes, the cop exp...

- Police chief hates you

Ten Signs The Police Chief Hates You 10. He sends you on drug raids.... alone. 9. He refers to you as “Our Little Mascot. ” 8. The job...

- Steal from this family

After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a detective d...

- Visiting kindergarten

Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station. There they saw pictures tacked to a big bulletin board. The label...

- Robber met animals

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he hear...

- The woman is on fire

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignit...

- The highly-skilled fly

A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thous ands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to...

- A story behind a gun

Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for m...

- You're in big trouble

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?”&ldquo...

- Try to spell that name

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, “I'm Mrs. Chadivaler ...

- Some stupid truckers

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3. ” They got out and me...

- Please show the i. d.

The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. Afte...

- Stupid drunk blonde

A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. ” They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the...

- Watching for suicide

Why do they put a suicide watch on death row prisoners? Why would you care if a man you're planning to kill anyway, kills himself? Does it spoil the...

- Strange name for cats

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named “LOVE. “It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might ...

- Knitting and driving

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... ” Pull over!”“No...

- Criminal steals lumber

A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer. In the confessional he admitted that for years he had been stealing building supplies from th...

- Testing a new recruit

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for back...

- He's a drunk driver

There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out. “You'RE DRUNK!” exclaim...

- Stealing from a store

This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996. They showed the video surveillance ta...

- Government is there

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : “In th...

- Some police quotes

” The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile.” “If you run, you'll only go to jail ...
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