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Joke : Office worker resolution

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RESOLUTION #1: 1999: I will read at least 20 good books a year.

2000: I will read at least 10 books a year.

2001: I will read 5 books a year.

2002: I will finish The Pelican Brief 2003: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.

2004: I will read at least one article this year.

2005: I will try and finish the comics section this year.

RESOLUTION #2: 1999: I will get my weight down below 180. 2000: I will watch my calories until I get below 190. 2001: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200. 2002: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2003: I will work out 5 days a week.

2004: I will work out 3 days a week.

2005: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

RESOLUTION #3: 1999: I will not spend my money frivolously.

2000: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.

2001: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.

2002: I will begin making a strong effort to be out of debt by 1999. 2003: I will be totally out of debt by 2000. 2004: I will try to pay off the debt interest by 2001. 2005: I will try to be out of the country by 2006. RESOLUTION #4: 2002: I will try to be a better husband to Marge.

2003: I will not leave Marge.

2004: I will try for a reconciliation with Marge.

2005: I will try to be a better husband to Wanda.

RESOLUTION #5: 2002: I will stop looking at other women.

2003: I will not get involved with Wanda.

2004: I will not let Wanda pressure me into another marriage.

2005: I will stop looking at other women.

RESOLUTION #6: 2002: I will not let my boss push me around.

2003: I will not let my sadistic boss drive me to the point of suicide.

2004: I will stick up for my rights when my boss bullies me.

2005: I will tell Dr. Hodger and the group about my boss.

RESOLUTION #7: 2002: I will not get upset when Charlie makes jokes about my baldness.

2003: I will not get annoyed when Charlie kids me about my toupee.

2004: I will not get angry when Charle tells the guys I wear a girdle.

2005: I will not speak to Charlie.

RESOLUTION #8: 2002: I will not take a drink before 5:00 p.m.

2003: I will not touch the bottle before noon.

2004: I will not become a “problem drinker” .

2005: I will not miss any AA meetings.

RESOLUTION #9: 2002: I will see my dentist this year.

2003: I will have my cavities filled this year.

2004: I will have my root canal work done this year.

2005: I will get rid of my denture breath this year.

RESOLUTION #10: 2002: I will go to church every Sunday.

2003: I will go to church as often as possible.

2004: I will set aside time each day for prayer and meditation.

2005: I will try to catch the late night sermonette on TV.

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