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Best funny Jokes Elderly

Here are the best funny Elderly jokes (115 jokes found):

- An elderly couple in a senior home...

An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the o...

- An elderly couple walk into a doctor office...

An elderly couple walk into a doctor's office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies, ”...

- An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon...

An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They were in bed getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman ...

- You can never really go back

You Can Never Really Go Back There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when...

- There was an old married couple that had happily...

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husb...

- A little old lady gets onto a crowded bus...

A little old lady gets on to a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, “If ...

- A work of art

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her ...

- Three old ladies are walking down the street...

Three old ladies are walking down the street. They are hard of hearing. One: Whew, it's windy today! Two: No. Today's Thursday! Three: So am I! Let's...

- A couple, age 67, went to the doctors office...

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, “What canI do for you?” The man said, “Will you watch us have sexua...

- Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front...

Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands inback. Herb says to Sam, “Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night and had t...

- An old man is sitting on the park bench crying...

An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another oldman sits down next to him and says, “Mister, what's the problem?” The old man w...

- An old man and an old lady are getting...

An old man and an old lady are gettingready for bed one night when all of asudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells...

- How do old people have oral sex?

How do old people have oral sex? They talk about it. ...

- An elderly couple, living apart...

An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, ” We should stop this non sense. We are paying ...

- An old retired man goes to his wife one day...

An old retired man goes to his wife one day, and says to her, “I don't know how to tell you this dear, but the stock market crashed, and I'm afr...

- There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment...

There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the s...

- Is it worth it?

Minutes before the cremation, the under taker quietly sat down next to the grieving widow. “How old was your husband?” he asked. “He...

- One day an older fella was in for a checkup...

One day an older fella was in for a checkup. After his examination, his doctor was amazed. ” Holy cow! Mr. Edwards, I must say that you are in ...

- An old man and an old woman were sitting...

An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfasttable on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said, “You know, 50...

- Here is this guy who really takes care of his body...

Here is this guy who really takes care of his body, he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning he looks into the mirror and admires h...

- There were three old ladies sitting around the kitchen table...

THERE WERE THREE OLD LADIES SITTING AROUND THE KITCHEN TABLE; GERTRUDE, SOPHIA, AND HARRIET. GERTRUDE SAID, “I THINK I'LL GO UPSTAIRS NOW AND T...

- Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test...

Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?”“274, ” w...

- A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse...

A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions...

- Don't forget!

An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing waswrong ...

- An old lady lived by herself in a small house...

An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke in...

- Too much attention

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother toa nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well caredfor. The next morning, the nurs...

- Partial dosage

Partial DosageAn elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra. The pharmacist said “That's no problem. How...

- Seventy year old george went for his annual physical...

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, “George everything looks gr...

- What's the worst thing about having to kiss grandma?

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma? When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head. ...

- Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus...

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the o...

- Bending it further

The old man was saying to his doctor, ” You know, Doc, when I was young, it was as hard as a rock. As I got a little older, I could bend it a li...

- A man was walking down the street when he noticed...

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. ”...

- A use for viagra

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. ” Feeling fine,” says the old ma...

- Perfectly good eyesight

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the se...

- An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years...

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at a...

- What's the best thing about turning 65?

What's the best thing about turning 65. No more calls from insurance salesmen. ...

- Can't do

” What's wrong, sonny?” asked the old timer sympathetically, coming overto the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart ou...

- Amicable old lady

” Dear Reyer School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the cou...

- Abe lincoln

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, &l...

- An old man, mr. smith, resided in a nursing home...

An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went into thenurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died. Nurse Jones, re...

- Take in a boarder

An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. ” Yes,” says the Doctor, &ldq...

- A peculiar dress

Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run n...

- Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic...

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at thei...

- Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70...

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70. When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, “Why should I be upset? Dogs chase c...

- How do you get four old ladies to say the f word?

How do you get four old ladies to say the F word? Have the fifth one say.... BINGO! ...

- A little old lady walked into the bank...

A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed a small check, and started out. Passing the armed guard, she smiled and said, “You can go home no...

- An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by...

An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by andeposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. ” Yech!” says the woman. ”...

- A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm...

A young boy was visiting his grandfather's farm when one day he walks out behind the barn and sees hisgr andfather playing with himself. The boy says,...

- Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home...

Willy's rolling down the hall of a retirement home actinglike he's driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he's doing. Willy re...

- This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on...

This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat. His wife said, “Where are you going ?” He said, “I'm going to the d...

- A hearing problem

An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about 20' behind her and asked “Can you hear me sweetheart” ? No reply. Move...

- An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship...

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight, so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached...

- Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies...

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them. ...

- Getting married

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go pa...

- Sweet, sweet road rage

An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a youngman in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiti...
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