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Best funny Jokes Computers

Here are the best funny Computers jokes (145 jokes found):

- Airplanes running operating systems

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them. DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides...

- Real software engineers eat quiche.

Real software engineers eat quiche. Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come acros...

- Operating systems as beers

DOS Beer Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in a...

- Solution to the y2k problem

The government's system administration team, working with computer manufacturers and experts in the computer industry, has found a lower cost alternat...

- If dr. seuss was a technical writer

What if Dr. Seuss was a technical writer? Here are several examples of what he may write to help you resolve your computer problems. If a packet hits...

- Top ten signs you bought a bad computer

10. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it. 9. It's celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy. 8. ...

- Help stories from tech support

Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. AST te...

- The programmer's cheer

Shift to the left, shift to the right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte! ...

- There was life before the computer

An application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a piano! Memory was something that you lost with ageA CD...

- A list of redneck computer terms

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods. Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern. Bug - The reason you is a giv'n fo...

- A husband with a computer addiction

My Dear Husband, I am sending you this letter via this BBS communications thing, so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, bu...

- Caring for floppy disks

ORIGAMIArt of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in di...

- Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks. 9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them. 8. The six front keys have rotted out. 7. The extra RAM slots ...

- Password selection rules

CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471In order to increase the security of all company computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorize...

- Abbott calling costello

Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX. Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? Abbott: Yes, tha...

- The twelve bugs of christmas

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to meSee if they can do it again. For the second bug of Christmas, my manager said to meAsk them how t...

- Waiting on a long line

The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate. At one point she...

- New product cuts stress

From “Machine Design” Magazine...... Byte BatAll too often, computers aren't up when you need them, or some sort of system error costs you...

- A letter to the editors

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)Dear Sir, I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or to the office, We have more...

- The system crash song

SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of “The Monster Mash” ) I was working in the lab, late one night When my eyes beheld an eerie sight, Some smoke ...

- Changing number terms

In a recent contest in The Washing ton Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a number, add or subtract one, and create a new definition...

- Purchasing furniture

I work as a systems administrator, and part of m job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on m...

- Fixing broken computers

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech conclude...

- I have a keyboard error

A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attach...

- Type what i tell you

While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec. bat file. He said it said “File not found” . I...

- Oh the internet is slow

The Net is SlowOh, the network outside is frightful, But on campus, it's so delightful, Our packets have nowhere to go, Net is slow, net is slow, net ...

- What movies teach us

COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS: As depicted in movies, Word processors never display a cursor. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences...

- Computer problem report

Computer Problem Report Form 1. Describe your problem: _2. Now, describe the problemaccurately: _3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem: ...

- Customer support logs

Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee: Support: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?” Customer: “Yes, well,...

- Write your code in c

WRITE IN C (sung to The Beatles “Let it Be” ) When I find my code in tons of trouble, Friends and colleagues come to me, Speaking words o...

- Ode to spell checkers

ODE TO A SPELL CHECKERby Jerrold H ZarI have a spelling checker. It came with my PC. It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye can knot sea. Ey...

- Computer used too long

You know you have been on the computer too long when... When you are counting objects, you go “0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, A, B, C, D... &rdqu...

- Graphics work too much

You've been in graphics too long if... by Chris ThornborrowMost of your friends can pronounce Gouraud first time. When you fist heard that some people...

- Bought a bad computer

Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad ComputerLower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it. It's celebrity spokesman is that &ldquo...

- Internet addictions

Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD)As the incidence and prevalence of Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) has been increasing exponentially, a support gro...

- Internet highway blues

The Information Highway BluesMy baby's got my 486. My cellular phone's on the blink. My fax's gone off to fax heaven, And Pay For View stinks. I got t...

- The computer prayer

Our Morning Prayer ... Our Hard Drive Which art internal Volume C by name; Thy code be clean, Thy fonts be seen On screen as they are on paper. Give u...

- Surfing the internet

Surfin' the NetSo I think I'm in the clear the boss is no where in sightI logon to the web and start to surf and then my hair stands up with fright th...

- User song and music

User(To the tune of Beck's “Loser” ) In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkieJolt in my brains and body feeling chunky With the plastic m...

- Gender and computers

Top nine reasons computers must be male: They have a lot of data but are still clueless. A better model is always just around the corner. They look ni...

- Top nine reasons computers must be female

Picky, picky, picky. They hear what you say, but not what you mean. Beauty is only shell deep. When you ask what's wrong, they say “nothing&rdqu...

- Definition of windows

Webster's Dictionary definition of Windows 95 Windows 95: n. 32.bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system o...

- The power of shifting

Unleash the Power of Shift! Q: My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys...

- 100 buckets of bits

100 Buckets of Bits 100 buckets of bits on the bus 100 buckets of bits Take one down, short it to ground FF buckets of bits on the bus FF buckets of b...

- Aol addiction poem

My computer broke down. It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy... And keep it off my mind. It was worse than ...

- How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals...

- The irish virus

An actual mailing: Greetings, You have just received the “IRISH VIRUS” . As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on ...

- Imigration test

You know how they use to give immigrants a test when they came to America? Well the last question on the test was to use pink, green and yellow in a ...

- Computer dictionary part i

BIT - A word used to describe computers, as in “Our daughter's computer cost quite a bit. ” BOOT - What your friends give you because you ...

- Bill clinton, bill gates, and al gore crash

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. Now they're in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne. God addr...

- Tech glossary

486: The average IQ needed to understand a PC. State-of-the-art: Any computer you can't afford. Obsolete: Any computer you own. Microsecond: The time ...

- If only life could be like a computer

If you messed up your life, you could press “Ctrl, Alt, Delete” and start all over! To get your daily exercise, just click on “run&r...

- Colombian computer joke

Why did a group of Columbians run away from a computer lab. Because the computer said you have performed an illegal operation and will be shutdown. ...

- Now that s lazy!

My son is so lazy he hates emptying the trash in the recycle bin on his computer. ...

- Program manager

A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon ...

- Things you don't want your system admin to say

Things You Don't Want Your Sysadmin To Say 1. Uh-oh... 2. Oh S*! 3. What the heck?!? 4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) ...

- Computer crashed

My computer crashed and died today And I thought, “oh well what the hey” Now I'd have time to clean my house And see if I still had a spou...

- Internet test

Have you been spending more and more time using the Internet? Have your cheeks taken on that pasty white glow from over-exposure to your computer mon...

- If operating systems were beers

DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in a...

- Top ten new intel slogans for the pentium

TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM 9.9999973251 It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug 8.9999163362 It's the new math 7.9999414610 Nearly 300 Correct ...
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