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Best funny Jokes Women

Here are the best funny Women jokes (152 jokes found):

- Politically correct feminine terminology

Politically Correct Feminine Terminology Have you ever wanted to talk about a girl but was afraid that you would offend the person standi...

- How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with , “A man once told me... ”...

- Women with weapons

The media have grotesquely skewed the public image of women who choose to own firearms. Unfortunately, such exposure can affect one's self-image. ...

- How to satisfy a woman/man every time

How to Satisfy a Woman Every TimeCaress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tant...

- Why do female parachutists wear tampons?

Why do female parachutists wear tampons? So they don't whistle on the way down... ...

- Why do women have legs?

why do women have legs? have you ever seen the mess that slugs leave behind!?? ...

- Manly signs

” Doctor, doctor!” shouted the woman coming into the doctors offfice. “Ithink I'm turning into a man” then the doctor says, ...

- What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb! ...

- Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror...

Jessica was toweling off in front of the mirror when she noticed a few gray pubic hairs. She bent down and said to her privates... “I know y...

- A woman asks the hardware store clerk...

” Do you have any batteries?” a woman asks the hardware store clerk. “Yes, m'am.” The clerk gestures with his finger. &ldquo...

- Crazy sally went to her gynecologist...

Crazy Sally went to her gynecologist when she got her vibrator stuck inside of her. “To remove that vibrator,” said the doctor, &ldquo...

- Women speak in estrogen and men listen in testosterone

WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE by Matt Groening RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her h...

- What is that white stuff you find in the bottom of girls undies?

What's the white stuff you find in the bottom of girls' undies? Clitty litter. ...

- You know why there is a string on a tampon?

You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump. ...

- How can you tell if you are at a bulemic bachelor party?

How can you tell if you're at a bulemic bachelor party? The cake jumps out of the girl. ...

- Little girl walks into the bathroom...

A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks &l...

- Yeah, fat broads are like...

Yeah, fat broads are like mopeds. They're fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to see you on one. ...

- A woman walks into a hardware store...

A woman walks into a hardware store and says “I want to buy a hinge. ” The clerk says “Do you wanna screw for that hinge?” T...

- A little boy walks up to his father and says...

A little boy walks up to his father and says, “Dad, what does a pussy look like?” Father responds, “well son, before or after se...

- A new medical study has shown that...

A new medical study has shown that a woman's breast-feeding isn't adversely affected by aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting ...

- Titicons

Titicons (.)(.) tiny tits (o) (o) regular tits ( O )( O ) big tits ( @ ) ( @ ) big harry tits ( ' ) ( ' ) perky tits {. } {. } shriveled t...

- Miracle bra alternative

Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now s...

- Feminist fairytale!

Feminist's Fairytale!! Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the pri...

- New elements on the periodic table

NEW ELEMENTS ON THE PERIODIC TABLE Element: WOMAN Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) Physical Properties: Generally round in form....

- Do you know why they call it the wonder bra?

Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went. ...

- Good girls vs. bad girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely us...

- What is the difference?

Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having chil...

- A womans schedule

A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the m...

- His and hers atms

His And Hers ATMsHIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt HER: 1. Pull up to ATM...

- God created woman, and she had 3 breasts...

God created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He said to the woman, “Is there anything on you that you'd like tochange?” She said, “Yes....

- Favorite drink

AGE DRINK 17 Wine Coolers 25 White wine 35 Red wine 48 Dom Perignon 66 ...

- Excuses for refusing dates

Age EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES 17 Need to wash my hair 25 Need to wash and condition my hair 35 ...

- Favorite sport

Age FAVORITE SPORT 17 shopping 25 shopping 35 shopping 48 shopping 66 ...

- Definition of a successful date

Age DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE 17 “Burger King” 25 “Free meal” 35 &ld...

- Favorite fantasy

Age FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, da...

- Favorite house pet

Age HOUSE PET 17 Muffy the cat 25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat 35 Irish setter and Muffy...

- What is the ideal age to get married?

Age WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 17 17 25 25 35 35 48 48 66 ...

- Ideal date

Age IDEAL DATE 17 He offers to pay 25 He pays 35 He cooks breakfast the next morning 48 ...

- A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach...

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badlyscrewed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lampwa...

- A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her...

A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her. He says, “You have acute vaginitis. ” She says “Thank you. ”...

- Did you hear about tempura house?

Did you hear about Tempura House? It's a shelter for lightly battered women. ...

- What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20 does not?

What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20 doesn't? A belly-button! ...

- What has a woman got in common with a box of kentucky fried chicken?

What has a woman got in common with a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken? Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you're left with is ...

- What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?

What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers? Desert. ...

- Why do women get pms?

Why do women get PMS? THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!? ...

- Why do they call it pms?

Why do they call it PMS? Mad Cow disease was already taken. ...

- Why are girls like pianos?

Why are girls like pianos? When they're not upright, they're grand... ...

- 3 pregnant women were waiting...

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatalcheck-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddne...

- Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for men rather than women?

Q. Why is psycho- analysis so much easier for men ratherthan women? A. Because when it comes time to revert to childhood, menare already there. ...

- What do you call a truckload of vibrators?

What do you call a truckload of vibrators? -Toys for Twats. ...

- How is a woman like an airplane?

How is a woman like an airplane? -Both have cockpits. ...

- How is a woman like a road?

How is a woman like a road? -Both have manholes. ...

- Why did god invent alcohol?

Why did god invent alcohol? - So fat women can get laid too. ...

- A milk bath

When the milkman found a note on one of his customer's doors asking for 16 gallons instead of the usual quart, he rang the bell. ” Sorry to both...

- Have you heard about the new line of tampax with bells and tinsel?

Have you heard about the new line of Tampax with bells and tinsel? It's for the Christmas period. ...

- The perfect day - him and her

The Perfect Day - Her 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses 9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale 9:30 Light Breakfast 11:00 Sunba the 12:30 Lunch ...

- What do you get if you put your hand down an pyschic pants?

What do you get if you put your hand down an pyschic's pants? Your palm red once a month. ...

- The recent announcement that mattel and the producers of baywatch...

The recent announcement that Mattel and the producers of “Baywatch” have joined forces to create Baywatch Barbie came as no surprise. Afte...

- What is the loose skin around the pussy called?

What is the loose skin around the pussy called? -The woman. ...

- The difference

The boy asks his dad: “What's the difference between a 'cunt' and a 'pussy'?” The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around acr...
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