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Best funny Jokes Sex

Here are the best funny Sex jokes (411 jokes found):

- The big horse race

The Big Horse Race Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Shee...

- Recipe for banana bread

Recipe for Banana Bread Ingredients: 2 Laughing Eyes 2 Loving Arms 2 Well Shaped Legs 2 Firm Milk Conta...

- Standardized guide to the bases

Standardized Guide to the Bases Do you remember middle school/junior high/high school? If so, do you remember talking about 'the bases' with yo...

- Proffessional terms ii

I can't help but wonder sometimes though why lovemaking is almost always referred to in theatrical terms. For example, surely you've heard men ref...

- Jerry falwell was seated next to president clinton...

Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drinkorders....

- A few questions and answers

Q. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A. Slow down and use a lubricant. Q. What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives wo...

- A new way to loose weight

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement f...

- A young lady had just visited her doctor...

A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for ten years and had wanted a ba...

- Best kind of sex

A man went to a sex doctor and told him of his extremely active sex life. He said He had a wife, several mistresses, masturbated, and had wet dreams ...

- It was laying limp in my hand...

It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was turning it on. It be...

- A small boy walks into his mothers room...

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless. ” Mummy, mummy, what are these?” he says, pointing to her breasts. &ldquo...

- A tall woman met a midget at a party...

A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other. After a few drinks they went back t...

- What not to name your dog

What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog “Sex” . When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told ...

- Playgirl rejection letter

Playgirl Rejection LetterNovember 30, 1995 PLAYGIRL, INC. Dear Mrs. Smith, We wish to thank you for your letter and the polaroid picture of you...

- In jail...

This exchange was overheard between the separated sections of the jail. A male voice yells over to the female side: “I got 12 inches over here y...

- There was a young man in the air force...

There was a young man in the Air Force who was so well- endowed that it was bothering his knee. Three Air Force doctors and one Air Force nurse were i...

- A guide to love and sex for virgins

A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s.. e.. x...

- Zippergate update...

ZipperGate Update... In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms. Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges b...

- A man goes to the doctor with a long history of...

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that hispoor patient h...

- Fortunate ingenuity

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “...

- How do you clean a condom?

How do you clean a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it! ...

- It was a somber day in disney land...

It was a somber day in Disney land, Mickey And Minnie were in divorce court.. The judge was about to make his decision he said 'Im sorry mickey, I can...

- One night, as a couple lay down for bed...

This joke sucks.... One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps hiswife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife tur...

- The seven dwarfs

” The Seven Dwarfs were all in bed feeling Happy-then he got out of bedso they felt Grumpy instead..... ”...

- How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated?

How can a man tell when his sperm count is elevated? His girlfriend has to chew before she swallows. ...

- Three irish women were discussing their respective mates...

Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I ca...

- Why was raggedy ann thrown out of the toy store?

Q: Why was Raggedy Ann thrown out of the toy store? A: She was caught sitting on Pinocchio's face and shouting “Lie lie lie!” ...

- Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad?

Whats the difference between a regular toad and a horney toad? A regular toad croaks “Ribbit Ribbit” while a horney toad croaks “Rub...

- What is the difference between a transvestite sailor and...

What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky'swardrobe? When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman. ...

- These two guys are car pooling home from work one day...

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic isbarely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver islooking around a...

- A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom...

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the storelaughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there'sno...

- A fair price

A college student picked up his date at her parents home. He'd scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant. To his dismay...

- Biology class

Biology Class In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand a...

- Heated passions

Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon. While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up by himself. T...

- Nearsightedness

I think my wife is getting a little nearsighted. I woke up this morning, she was sucking on the bedpost. ...

- This is horny!

This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth. ...

- A penis study

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80, 000.00, t...

- Grandma saperstein and grandpa rabinowitz are sitting...

Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa...

- A guy steps into an elevator and...

A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps rig...

- Confessions

Three young women are at a cocktail party. The conversation turns to their position in life, and it's clear that they're trying to one-up each oth...

- Golf in the bedroom

Golf in the Bedroom Rules of Play Each player shall provide his own equipment - normally one club and two balls. Play on a course must be appr...

- A mother-daughter conversation

A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daug...

- I read last week...

I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in the United States each year. All these years I've been eating them raw. ...

- The seven dwarves were in rome...

The three dwarves were in rome and went to the nearest nunnery. They got to talk to the mother superior. “Excuse us, but can you tell us w...

- The horny midget found that the best way...

The horny midget found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the par...

- This man was having problems getting it up to have sex...

This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wa...

- Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and...

Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to c...

- A husky foreigner, looking for sex...

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, &ld...

- A clever court case

One evening after attending a concert, two men were walking down the road when they saw a well-dressed and attractive looking woman walking ahead ...

- One night the norse god thor was feeling a bit horny...

One night the Norse god Thor was feeling a bit horny so he decided to come down to earth to satisfy his needs. He picked up a good looking woman w...

- A naive young girl goes into the doctors office.

A naive young girl goes into the doctor's office. She says, “Doc, I'm getting married and I'm a little inexperienced, so I'd like to ask you...

- These two sperm were swimming around...

These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm asks the other... Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube??? ...

- Great a hot & juicy story

Great A Hot & Juicy Story Well, I was loafin' around the salad bar at the burger stand one chili day on Coney island, when I Frito-Lay'd my eyes o...

- This one new yorker married himself a southern gal...

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel roo...

- The engineer had just returned from a week long seminar...

The Engineer had just returned from a week long seminar. His boss, instead of asking about the details, asked if were sick as he looked absolutely ter...

- Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still...

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter const...

- The newly married man came home from work...

The newly married man came home from work to find his new bride stretched languorously on the sofa, dressed in a negligee. ” Guess what I got pl...

- A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby...

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible o...

- Almost celibate

” I'm finished with Judi!” Jon exclaimed to his friend. “She brokedown and told me she was bisexual. Who the hell wants to screw j...

- A man wonders if having sex on the sabbath is a sin...

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on ...
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