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Best funny Jokes Police

Here are the best funny Police jokes (114 jokes found):

- Don't say this to a cop

The top 20 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over. 20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. 19. Sorry officer, I didn't re...

- Swerve to avoid a box

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reck...

- Looking into their eyes

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn't help but noti...

- Dealing with criminals

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. “You just won't believe what happened thi...

- Partner takes vacation

Signs Your Partner Needs A Vacation 9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thi...

- New person in prison

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiring...

- Wife helps out the cop

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in ...

- He's drunk at the bar

One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the b...

- Getting a new deputy

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. ” Oka...

- Working in the garden

A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant th...

- Catch a drunk driver

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said “Lookey thar up ahead, ...

- Prison versus housewives

In prison, you get three square meals a day. At home, you cook three square meals a day and try to get your kids to eat it. In prison, you get an hour...

- Lost far from a home

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said...

- Getting in an accident

A Rabbi and a Priest are driving one day and, by a freak accident, have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, b...

- Dealing with a juggler

Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. “What are those knives doing in your car?” asked the officer. “...

- Should have glasses

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says “Lady, it says here that you should be wearing glasses.” The woman answered &ld...

- The reason for running

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he c...

- Rookie is on the job

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who w...

- Try to catch the rabbit

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President...

- He is extremely drunk

Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he...

- A prisoner with skills

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that de...

- A test for being drunk

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, “Sir, I need you to ...

- Breaking into a house

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You'll get your chance in co...

- Go give us a donation

Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said “It's ...

- Time for the wedding

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ” But officer, ” the man began, “I can explain.” &ldquo...

- Prison vs. full-time job

Prison life versus a full-time jobIn prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' ...

- Where is your wife?

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” ...

- How fast was i going?

” When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.” “You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old...

- Undercover detective

A tourist asks a man in uniform, “Are you a policeman?”“No, I am an undercover detective.” “So why are you in uniform?&r...

- Where are you from?

Theater Guest A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, &ldq...

- I have lost my father

Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, “I've lost my dad!” The policeman said, “What's he like...

- New mir anda rights

1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me. 2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you ...

- Holmes investigation

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hou...

- Caught for speeding

The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. “I've been waiting for you all day, ” the c...

- Police officer's foods

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers 1. Glazed 2. Jelly 3. Powdered 4. Chocolate Frosted...

- Please describe him

A cop was interrogating a very intoxicated Irishman, who was also severly bleeding. The officer asked, “Can you describe the person who did this...

- How to charge them

Two guys were walking along a road in Georgia when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop. One guy was thrown through the windshield...

- You're back again?

The Judge said to the defendant. “I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.” “Your Honor, ” the criminal s...

- Headline in the paper

HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it. ...

- Stuck under a bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads “low bridge ahead. ” Before he knows it the bridge is right ah...

- Pictures from police

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police dep...

- Stopping the hillbilly

This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. “You got any I. D. ?” the patrolman asked. ““'...

- Explaining his claim

A farmer who's been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. “I understa...

- Identify the problem

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the...

- Trust a fellow officer

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scen...

- Blonde avoiding trees

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. ” Mam, is there a reason that you're weaving all o...

- The animal's warning

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, “Didn't you know it is against the law to ...

- Obey the speed limit

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himse...

- Thankful he's drunk

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I've got to take...

- Lawyers are greedy

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene,...

- Do you have a bias?

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, &ldquo...

- Touring washington

A blonde was visiting Washing ton, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn't find it, so she asked a ...

- Stupid blonde driver

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys would...

- A blonde detective

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blon...

- Telephone accident

The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervo...

- Inspecting the truck

A young man was walking into town one day when a wood hauler gave him a ride. After traveling about a mile or two, the truck was stopped by the highwa...

- An fbi investigation

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. ” Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!”&l...

- Police are in a chase

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over...

- Problem with a dog

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle. ...

- Dealing with trouble

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and wei...
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