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Best funny Jokes Military

Here are the best funny Military jokes (61 jokes found):

- Giving sad news to a troop

The Captain called the Sergeant in. ” Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in...

- Requesting a three day pass

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass. The CO says “Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army,...

- Giving very odd excuses

The General went out to find that none of his G. I. s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. ” Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I h...

- Change your course now

This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundl and in October, 1995. R...

- Recruiting any and all pilots

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He dir...

- Bragging about old times

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. “Why, my outfit was so well drilled, ” declared one, “that when they ...

- My men are very brave

General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. McKenzie arrives at the...

- Speaking with the general

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nerv...

- Reward these soldiers for their work

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkl and Island Crisis. Upon returning to England from the South Ame...

- Practical joke on his ex-girlfriend

The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went o...

- Landing at a hidden military base

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51?” Well, late one afternoon,...

- Lease nuclear weapons

Lease a Nuke! Want power and respect? Want to influence the course of world events? Want to be on CNN every night? Tired of hum-drum conventional w...

- New weapon chicken gun

Flash - New Weapon in America's Arsenal - Dubbed 'The Chicken Gun'Senate majority leader Howard H. Baker Jr., expressed astonishment to the Senate, ov...

- Comm anding the dumb

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out. ” As the r...

- Give chocolate pudding

First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?&...

- Indian chief's signal

An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be calle...

- Marines and the police

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles. The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that s...

- Army needs new recruits

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting 8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles 7. Where else can you shoot g...

- Give us new missiles

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes a...

- Daddy is going to war

The 1982 Israeli invasion of Lebanon resulted in many dogfights between Syrian and Israeli jet fighters. In the end, the Syrians lost over 80 planes a...

- Historic custer battle

The following are supposedly true headlines that have appeared in papers during the war. Some Leading Papers' Coverage of Custer's MassacreVariety: &l...

- Piloting your plane

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the...

- Misunderstanding terms

One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “s...

- His military etiquette

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do yo...

- Strange new battles

Seems there was a young soldier, who, just before battle, told his sergeant that he didn't have a rifle. ” That's no problem, son,” said t...

- Soldier stands guard

A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big...

- Finish overseas tour

A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship un...

- A young naval student

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?&rd...

- New submarine ensign

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise lea...

- Military traditions

Top Holiday Traditions In The Military 9. Gluing Santa beard to your gas mask 8. Roasting chestnuts with an M4-A3 flamethrower 7. Draw up list of w...

- How army policy began

This is Army policy all begins... Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long,...

- Chinese learned this

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apolog...

- Battles on the sea

The following is supposedly a true story relating to a United States shipping company. THE U. S. shipping company had a new ship built. It was to be t...

- China blames america

China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States, ? Fully respons...

- Military work rules

1. Sickness: No excuses will be acceptable. We will no longer accept the Medical Officer's statement as proof of illness as we believe that if you a...

- Valid identification

DURING a readiness exercise, my friend Jim and I, Air Force security policemen, were guarding entry to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were ke...

- Chinese plane crash

Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apolog...

- Brag about parents

An Army brat was boasting about his father to a Navy brat. ” My dad is an engineer. He can do everything. Do you know the Alps?”“Yes...

- Bring some more ammo

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: “Sir, I think I...

- Become more effective

The unit engineer had just finished a talk on introducing mechanization in fatigue details. A sergeant reported thoughtfully: “Sir, I just disco...

- Soldiers in heaven

Little Willie asked his mother: “Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?”“Of course they do!” protested his mother. “Wh...

- Let's see the world

Two dogfaces were digging a foxhole. “What made you join the Army?” asked one. “Well, I read one of the posters that said: Join the ...

- Impressing the others

A young Air Force 2nd Lieutenant had just arrived at Misawa AFB in Japan. He'd been given a beautiful renovated office and had it furnished with antiq...

- Army fitness report

British Military Officer Fitness Reports The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness...

- An inferiority complex

Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: “I have an inferiority complex.” “Nothing I can do for you” , said the doc...

- Discuss track types

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Marine said “those are deer tracks.” The seco...

- High military ranks

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough. ” That's the only way to command respect in the Army, ” his fr...

- Fishing on the lake

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were strugg...

- Speak more precisely

Two young soldiers were exchanging their experiences of the service in the Army. ” My sergeants are wonderful” , said one soldier. “...

- I am still falling

A ranger outfit was having training in mountain climbing. One of the men slipped and began falling into a precipice. “Are you hurt?” asked...

- Convince these students

An Army recruiter delivered a windy pep talk to encourage a group of college students to join the VOLAR. But the culminating point of his oration was ...

- Sailor's experience in the army

The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual sailor's experience in the Army. After turning in from a four to eight watch the seaman...

- Physical training job

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers. “I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them...

- New officer efficiency

These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers). ” Not the sharpest knife in the draw...

- How far to the town?

A unit of soldiers was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, we...

- Military christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds...

- Flying near athens

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: “What's that stuff on those hills?”“Just snow,...

- New chemical warfare

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: “Anyone knows the formula for water?”“Sure. That's easy,” said ...

- Painting shows it all

At an exhibition of military painting a visitor was admiring a picture. “What a great realist that painter is!” he exclaimed. “What ...

- Choose a punishment

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence. “You can take your choice, private - one month's restriction or twenty day's p...
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