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Best funny Jokes Medicine

Here are the best funny Medicine jokes (133 jokes found):

- A man walks into a doctor office

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What's the matter wi...

- An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday...

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her h...

- A short history of medicine

A Short History of MedicineI have an earache... 2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root. 1000.A. D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850.A...

- Oprectomy

Oprectomy KENMORE HOSPITAL 61 COMMONWEALTH AVE. BOSTON, MA. 02115. ...

- Psychiatric hotline

Psychiatric Hotline If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have ...

- A husband and wife are on a nudist beach...

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly awasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also qu...

- Howard had felt guilty all day long...

Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming...

- A woman consulted a doctor...

A woman consulted a doctor, explaining that for many years she sufferred from excessive flatulance, but there was never any sound or smell so she ...

- The following statements were found on patient charts...

The following statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. These statements were written by various health...

- An old woman came into her doctors office

An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassingproblem. “I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless,...

- Two gynecologists meet at lunch...

Two gynecologists meet at lunch. The first one says, “I had a patient this morning witha clit like a dill pickle. The second one says, “Th...

- Jones is driving past the state mental hospital...

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left reartire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another cargoes by, running o...

- After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children...

After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to ...

- Gosh, what a pun!

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, “that new upper plate I put in for y...

- The bad news and the good news

Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have badnews an...

- Two doctors found themselves on the beach in hawaii...

Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii. As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said, “Look at the legs among that gro...

- What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool?

What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool? Bob...

- Give me the bad news first...

” give me the bad news first.” “You've got AIDS.” “Oh, no! What could be worse than that?”“You've also got...

- What is the worst part about getting a lung transplant?

What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant? The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm... ...

- What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh?

What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh? A home-sick abortion. ...

- The medical student was asked four reasons...

The medical student was asked four reasons why mother'smilk was better for babies than cow's milk. This is the answer he submitted: 1. It's fresher....

- A dyslexic nurse

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one daycomplaining about Nurse Jenny. ” She's incrediblydumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.&r...

- A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center...

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I'm here to donate...

- There was a costume party at a mental hospital...

There was a costume party at a mental hospital; the theme of the party was “war” . The first person comes up on to the stage and says, &ld...

- A large difference

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, “Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The badnews is that you have an inope...

- What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste. ...

- What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath?

What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? Throw in your laundry. ...

- A little change

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said: “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insultyou by offering payment....

- A rather senile old lady went to her doctor...

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining ofdraining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, the doctor initiated a...

- Freudian slip

Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says: “Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudianslips? Well, I had the most amazi...

- Whats blue and does not fit any more?

Whats blue and doesn't fit any more? - A dead epileptic. ...

- A man goes to a psychiatrist...

A man goes to a psychiatrist. To start things off, the psychiatristsuggests they start with a Rorschach Test. He holds up the firstpicture and asks th...

- Life is precious

So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live. But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor gives him another six mo...

- ... clamp...

” ... clamp... sponge... scalpel... oops... ”...

- A doctor fell into a well once...

A doctor fell into a well once. He learned to tend to the sick and leave the well alone. ...

- There was the surgeon who was arrested for drunken driving...

There was the surgeon who was arrested for drunken driving. They let him go, though. He was already an hourlate for an operation. ...

- I said to the doctor “i have this ringing in my ears...

I said to the doctor “I have this ringing in my ears. ” He said, “Don't answer it!” ...

- A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor surgery...

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minoroperation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in a white dress and brought to the corridor. Befor...

- A stuttering problem

A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient. Doctor: 'It ...

- She said, “kiss me doctor!”

She said, “Kiss me doctor!” Doctor said, “I can't as we doctors have an ethics standard that does not allow us to kiss our p...

- A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet...

A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, andrepeat this proce...

- From the life of the insane

Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, ” I am Napoleon!” Another one said, “How do you know?” The first inmat...

- Will it hurt doctor?

Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'. ...

- Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor...

Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor. “I'm sure I've got a liver disease, and I'm gonna die from it.” “Ridiculous,...

- Where are the fingers?

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency roo...

- It is worth trying

A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's couch, telling him how frustrated she was. “I tried to be an actress and failed, &r...

- Why do doctors slap babies when they are born?

Why do doctors slap babies when they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones. ...

- Good news

Hiram answers the telephone, and it's an emergency room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news a...

- A man went to the doctor to get a physical...

A man went to the doctor to get a physical, after the doctor examined him, he told the man he hadsome bad news... he had cancer and alzheimers. The ma...

- Just in case

” Mr. Chilton, ” the analyst said, “I think this will be your last visit.” “Does that mean I'm cured?” he asked. &...

- No symptoms

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, “I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore. ” Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you t...

- No problem

A guy walks into his doctor and says, “Doc, you gotta help me, I can't remember anything!” The doc asks, “How long have you had this...

- Mr. horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling...

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling muchbetter since his operation, but couldn't account for the enormous bump on the back of his he...

- A psychology student at a local university...

A psychology student at a local university was sent on a fieldassignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was ...

- A folk remedy

A man's wife had been in a coma for several days following a particularly nasty knock on the head. As usual, one of the nurses in the hospital was...

- A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist...

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. ...

- A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem...

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind th...

- A construction worker goes to the doctor and says...

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I'm constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean...

- The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic...

The 70-year-old man sat down in the orthopedic surgeon's office. “You know, Doc,” he said, “I've made love in more exotic cars than ...

- After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought...

After years with a psychiatrist, a man who thought he was a dog was declared cured. A friend asked him how he felt now. The former patient replied, ...
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