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Best funny Jokes Marriage

Here are the best funny Marriage jokes (70 jokes found):

- The government cuts costs

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard a...

- This wife is too jealous

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, “Great,...

- A way to save your marriage

A young husband with an inferiority complex insisted he was just a little pebble on a vast beach. The marriage counselor, trying to be creative, told ...

- Don't take any chances

A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies, &ldquo...

- What a large crowd

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was the...

- The way you say it

It's not what you say, but the way you say it. On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: “Time stands still when I look into your eyes.” ...

- Going to the office

Hubby - You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife - When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your pictur...

- Finding perfect men

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.” The man I marry must be a shining l...

- Getting into fights

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede...

- Have long marriages

Some people ask the secret of Anthony's long marriage. They take time to go to a restaurant two times a week: a little candlelight dinner, soft music,...

- Gift for a birthday

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet...

- Wife was mad at me

Two deaf men were in a coffee shop discussing their wives. One signs to the other, boy was my wife mad at me last night! She went on and on and would...

- Subjects for a date

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, the...

- Smaller or larger tuxedo

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangeme...

- Write on the bottom of shoes

Someone once took a large black ink marker and wrote “Help” on the bottom of the groom's left shoe and “Me” on the bottom of t...

- I'll just call my lawyer about this

Another on that I have seen pulled is to have someone speak out at the time the minister asks, “If anyone has good reason why these two should n...

- A secret pregnant lover

At the rehearsal dinner for my boss' daughter and son-in-law-to-be, a loud eight-months pregnant teenage girl suddenly appeared at the back of the roo...

- One way ticket across the country

A groom's friends decided to throw his bachelor party the day before the wedding, and as often happens on these occasions, by the end of the evening, ...

- Return your keys

Before a friend's wedding reception, we passed out keys (blanks) to several girls and one guy. Before some toasts were made, the best man said to the ...

- Variation of return your keys

Another twist to this would be to distribute fifteen blank keys to male friends of the bride-to-be and two more blank keys to a guy and a very old lad...

- Do you already have a child?

During the wedding ceremony, when the minister/preacher/priest comes to the part about, “If anyone has any reason why these two people should no...

- Cigarette problems

At my cousin's wedding, my dad (who doesn't much care for his nephew's bride) thought it would be funny to flick his cigarette at her back as she walk...

- Some practical jokes

BalloonsObtain access to their getaway car. Fill with balloons. A few extra helium balloons in the trunk with their luggage is a nice touch. Add some ...

- I deserve to be married

For a small fee, you can get an agency to have a pregnant “ex-girlfriend” appear at the service, in a wedding gown, claiming the groom-to-...

- Who has the ring?

When the groom asks the best man for the ring, he turns and nervously says he doesn't have it, who then turns to the next groomsman and asks the same ...

- Laughing gas in balloons

At a friend's wedding, the bridal party filled their car with balloonsall filled with laughing gas. They put them everywhere, under seats, in the glov...

- A kid's view on marriage

What Exactly Is Marriage?” Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents” -Eric, six years old...

- Getting revenge with marriage

Old Farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he sad to his wife: “When I'm dead I want you to marry fa...

- Marriage studies findings

A recent survey done by marriage experts shows that the most common form of marriage proposal these days consists of the words: “You're what?! ?...

- What will the neighbors think?

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. “It's just too hot to wear clothes today, ” complained Jack a...

- How have times changed?

In olden times, it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then, weddings have been held there, and times haven't changed at all! ...

- Going crazy with confusion

A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” ...

- A very desperate marriage

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course...

- What is the most damaging food?

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago.” The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting ...

- A staged wedding to bust dealers

As supposedly reported on CNN: Undercover police, staging the wedding of “a drug kingpin's daughter” , let it be known on the street that ...

- I just needed to use your car

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police station to make a full report. Then, a d...

- Too much speeding

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. ” But, officer, ” the man began, “I can expla...

- The guide to wife translations

The wife says: You want The wife means: You want The wife says: We need The wife means: I want The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The c...

- University courses for men and women

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females ...

- Someone really stinks

A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tel...

- Problems from the start

John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyon...

- Why can't you be like that?

Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the hous...

- I have “great” news for you

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, “I have great news for you. Pretty soon, we're going to be three in this house...

- Dangerous and sometimes fatal traditions

In October 1993, in Iran, where celebratory gunfire is traditional at weddings, a guest named Rasool lost control of his automatic weapon at a wedding...

- Be afraid if you annoy this husband

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beaut...

- Top ten things not to say on your anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking. 9. Today is our what? 8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have t...

- My daughter is your reward

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful dau...

- May i borrow your dog for a few days?

It's for my mother-in-law, ” explained the mourner at the funeral procession. Tightening the leash, he gestured down at the dog and said, &ldquo...

- A man is almost about to die

As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, “I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marr...

- A mother's dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too. Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children pla...

- Wedding preparation guidelines

Announcement: It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photog...

- Kids at the wedding

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle. The boy stopped at ...

- A sudden change of mind

My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider comin...

- Like father, like husband?

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings. ...

- An organization that makes men fear marriage

The British had an organization that Americans are now considering adopting. It seems that in England, they had a men's club, Bachelors' Anonymous. It...

- The tradition at weddings

A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white...

- Marriage quotes 01

All marriages are happyit's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He bap...

- Marriage quotes 04

My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate bo...

- Marriage quotes 05

The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his c...

- Marriage quotes 03

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all. We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behi...
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