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Best funny Jokes Legal

Here are the best funny Legal jokes (70 jokes found):

- Trial of the century

Trial Of The Century Transcript Reveals Objectionable Methods ...

- If two lawyers were drowning...

No lawyers allowed- Prosecutors will be violated! If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to...

- A guy in a bar

The bartender asks him “What'll you have?” . The guy answers, “A scotch, please” . The bartender hands him the drink, and says...

- A lawyer named strange died...

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, “Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a law...

- An older woman was in the pastoral study...

An older woman was in the pastoral study counceling for her upcoming fourth wedding. “Father,” she said, “How am I going to tell...

- Honesty is the best policy

A very very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, hi...

- Guilty

Guilty Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder. There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no co...

- A local united way office realized that...

A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contribut...

- Too good to be true

A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?”“Sure do, ” replied the bar...

- Wile e. coyote vs the acme company, inc.

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona...

- A precise location

Attorney to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499. ” Attorney: “An...

- A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a hindu holy man...

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said...

- Where lawers come from

An anxious woman goes to her doctor. “Doctor, ” she asks nervously, “canyou get pregnant from anal intercourse?”“Certai...

- Why lawyers do not play hide-and-seek?

Why don't lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them. ...

- What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

What's the difference between a lawyer and atrampoline? You should take your workboots off beforeyou jump on a trampoline. ...

- What is the proper weight for an attorney?

What is the proper weight for an attorney? About 3 pounds, ....... not counting the urn! ...

- How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? The real question is: How much can the light bulb afford tobe screwed for? ...

- How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? #2

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford? ...

- What is the worst thing about our justice system?

What is the worst thing about our justice system? You're leaving your fate in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty...

- A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife...

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife. He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touchany of it until she turned 1...

- On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital...

On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found himsitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible “What areyou...

- The dog and the butcher

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to aneighbour of his. The ...

- The first client

A young lawyer, starting up his private practice, was very anxiousto impress potential clients. When he saw the first visitor to hisoffice come throug...

- A really cold morning

Two men are meeting on the street. “It was very cold this morning.” “How cold was it?” I do not no exactly, but I saw a lawyer...

- Marrying and divorcing in heaven

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got toheaven, they asked St. Pete...

- A lawyer passed on and found himself in heaven...

A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that hisonly re...

- Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground?

Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground? Because deep down, they are really nice guys. ...

- Question: what is 1 + 2?

Question: What is 1 + 2 ? Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government p...

- 45 or 82?

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, “We've been waiting along time...

- Whats the difference between a bunch of lawyers in a porche...

Whats the difference between a bunch of lawyers in a porche and a porcupine? - A porcupine has pricks on the outside! ...

- What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig? Nothing, there's some things even a pig won't do! ...

- A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner...

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?&r...

- How are lawyers like sperm?

How are lawyers like sperm? One out of a million turns out to be a human being. ...

- For three years, the young attorney had been taking his...

For three years, the young attorney had been taking hisbrief vacations at this country inn. The last time he'dfinally managed an affair with the innke...

- An airliner was having engine trouble...

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats andget prepared for an emergenc...

- What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman. ...

- At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women...

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea. ” Judge: “Is someon...

- A guy walks into a post office...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bri...

- An old man was critically ill...

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is it or the express degr...

- A man walks into a friend and sees...

A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend, &...

- What did the lawyer name his daughter?

What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue. ...

- A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop...

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze ...

- What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?

What happens when a lawyer takes viagra? He gets taller!!...

- That was an insult

A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced dow...

- What do you call a lawyer with an iq of 50?

What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50. Your Honor. ...

- Did you kill the victim?

Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim? Defendant: No, I did not. Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury? Defendant: Yes, I do. And t...

- A tough case was being argued in court...

A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle ofhundred-year old brandy. The...

- Being under oath

” You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man ofyour background, ” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand...

- The scene is a dark jungle in africa...

The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks theass ...

- An elderly patient needed a heart transplant...

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is ...

- Best advice possible

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, ” You a...

- In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller...

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in f...

- The way he died

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The doctor did not want to lie so he told him that he wouldn...

- How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford? ...

- At night court, a man was brought in and set...

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. The judge said, “State your name, occupation, and the charge.” The defendan...

- Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch...

Two law partners leave their office and go to lunch. In the middle of lunch the junior partner slaps his forehead. ” Damn,” he says. &ldqu...

- Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service. ...

- Do you know the problem with lawyer jokes?

Do you know the problem with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and the rest of us don'tthink they're jokes! ...

- Mr. dewey was briefing his client, who was about to...

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. “You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?&r...

- A lawyer returns to his parked bmw to find the headlights...

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlightsbroken and considerable damage. There's no sign of theoffending vehicle but he's relieved to ...
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