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Best funny Jokes Instrument

Here are the best funny Instrument jokes (58 jokes found):

- Accordion jokes

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference ...

- Bagpipe jokes

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We're ...

- Banjo jokes

Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that's not the way...

- Bass jokes

Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn't tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does...

- Bassoon jokes

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital. Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns l...

- Cello jokes

Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside. Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to ...

- Clarinet jokes

Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet. Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard? ...

- Drum joke q & a

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves at the parade. Q: How do you know if there is a...

- Which drummer?

There's a five pound note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up? The d...

- What is your iq?

Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he'll ask his guests what their I. Q. ishopefully this will strike up an ap...

- Looking to buy

A man walks into a shop. “You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC 30 amplificatior thingies and a Gobson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose t...

- English horn jokes

Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What's the name of ...

- Flute jokes

Q: What's the definition of a minor second? A: Two flutes playing a unison. Flute players spend half their time tuning their instrument and the othe...

- French horn jokes

Q: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can't march. Q: How many French horn players does it ...

- Guitar jokes

Q: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: Wha...

- Harmonica jokes

Steve Wright: I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I've been arrested thre...

- Harp jokes

A harp is a nude piano. A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune. Q: Why are harps like elde...

- Harpsichord jokes

The late Sir Thomas Beecham used to say the sound of the harpsichord is like “two skeletons making love on a tin roof” . ...

- Oboe jokes

Q: How do you get five oboes in tune? A: Shoot four of them. Q: What are burning oboes used for? A: To set bassoons on fire. Q: Why does an ob...

- Organ jokes

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse? A: They are always longing for another stop. Q: Why are a organist's fingers like lightning? ...

- Piano jokes

Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A: A flat minor. Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam rolle...

- Bach in a minuet

A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet...

- Piccolo joke

Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison? A: Shoot one. ...

- That was no piccolo

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, “Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?” The other replies,...

- Saxophone jokes

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It's all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano...

- Trombone jokes

Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes. Q: How do you make a french h...

- Trumpet jokes

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, “I could ...

- Tuba jokes

Q: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm. Q: What's a tuba for? A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/ 2. Q: There are two tubaplaye...

- Viola jokes

Q: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison. Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One. Q: Wh...

- Fight between the musicians

At a concert hall one night, the stage manager comes across an oboe player and a viola player having a fight. He breaks the fight up and asks what the...

- Musicians on a sinking ship

A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together. ” Help!” cried the cellist, “I can't swim!”“Don't worr...

- Make me a better musician

There once was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony. He wasn't that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day, he was cl...

- The insane conductor

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be. The chief of police comes ov...

- Violin jokes

Q: How can you tell if a violin is out of tune? A: The bow is moving. Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don...

- The autograph book

Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. ” There's not much room on t...

- Contacting a friend

Two violinists make a pact that who ever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack a...

- Here is your punishment

” Haven't I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. “You have, Your Honor, ” the man answered...

- Vocal jokes

Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in. Q: What is the difference betw...

- This must be heaven

So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, “You're going to spend eternity with this combo, o...

- The amazing conductor

When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all ...

- Arriving at heaven

A soprano died and went to Heaven. St. Peter stopped her at the gate asking, “Well, how many false notes did you sing in your life?” The s...

- Operas that never made it

Britten: A Midsummer Nightmare. Mozart: The Magic Tuba. Puccini: La Bamba. Rossini: The Plumber of Seville. Verdi: Rigatoni. ...

- Orchestra jokes

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA! Q: What do you do with percussionist...

- George bernard shaw

While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd like them to play next. “Dominoes, ” h...

- Playing music

Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony. However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, unt...

- Efficiency

From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management Consultants To: Chairman, The London Symphony OrchestraRe: Schubert's Symphony No. 8.in B minor. After att...

- May i speak to the conductor

A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead. The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same me...

- Musical jokes

Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song. Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get yo...

- Any last requests?

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks...

- Top ten signs the concert you're attending is not the real woodstock

From “Late Show with David Letterman” on Tuesday, August 9, 199410. It's hosted by Ed McMahon. 9. ” Amplifiers” are just eno...

- Glossary of music terms

Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e. g. ” Y'all sang that real good!” Accidentals: Wrong notesAd Libitum: A premiere. Agitato: A...

- How to buy a stero

1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100. 2. The ideal system should have as many lig...

- Musician jokes

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1.to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, “I can do that!&rdq...

- Where are we?

Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov...

- What's that sound?

A tourist is sightseeing in a European city. She comes upon the tomb of Beethoven, and begins reading the commerative plaque, only to be distracted by...

- Arriving in heaven

Arriving in Heaven Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter. St. Peter: Hi, what's your name? Paul: My name is Paul. St. Peter: Hi, ...

- Phone songs

All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes. Mary Had A Little Lamb 3212333, 222, 39...

- A choristers' guide to keeping conductors in line

The basic training of every singer should, of course, include my riad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often n...

 


 
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