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Best funny Jokes Elderly

Here are the best funny Elderly jokes (116 jokes found):

- Recently seen

Recently seen on a card... Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us... Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lig...

- Good & bad news

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear fi...

- Hard of hearing

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, “Windy, ain't it?”“No, &...

- Movies changed

For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the ...

- New hearing aid

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a ...

- Handling teens

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and conten...

- Ode to cranky men

I chanced to pass a windowWhile walking through a mall With nothing much upon my mind, Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that windowA cranky-faced...

- I have bad news

The doctor tells his patient: “Well I have good news and bad news...” The patient says, “Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?&rdqu...

- I am not forgetful

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes I catch my self with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while stan...

- Automotive horror

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just...

- Guaranteed visits

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she want...

- Getting old when

You know you're getting older when... Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. You feel like the morning after, and you haven'...

- You will forget it

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong...

- Sharing everything

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watche...

- Uncovering a scam

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money...

- Old maid's burglar

A story I'll tell of a burglar bold Who started to rob a house;He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a plac...

- Pondering old age

How do I know that my youth is all spent? Well, my get up and go has got up and went. But in spite of it all I am able to grin when I recall where my ...

- An ode to old age

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by, And life doesn't begin at 40. That's a big fat lie. My hair's getting thinner, my body is no...

- A final diagnosis

Thought I'd let my doctor check me, 'Cause I didn't feel quite right... All those aches and pains annoyed meAnd I couldn't sleep at night. He could fi...

- A senior citizen

I am a senior citizen... - I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm. - I'm very good at opening childpro of caps with a hammer. ...

- Problems driving

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. ...

- She is angry at you

Worried because they hadn't heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, “Timmy, would you ...

- Grandma changed

In the dim and distant past When life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and baby sit. When the kids were in a jam, T...

- How you earned it

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth...

- When i become old

When I'm a little old lady, then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy. To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the...

- No peer pressure

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked. She simpl...

- Florida driver's license!

I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear a...

- When you are young

When you are young, you want to be the master of your fate and the captain of your soul. When you are older, you will settle for being the master of y...

- I'm over the hill

We're over the hill but don't feel sad This side of the hill ain't all that bad. So give us “five” and then a smileTo us who have been her...

- Bathroom troubles

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, “Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning ...

- Eating some peanuts

There was an old man whose family could no longer afford to take care of him. So the family decided that a nusring for the aged would be appropriate. ...

- Wedding anniversary

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting senti...

- How old are you?

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “Wha...

- Horse or chicken?

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where t...

- Will you marry me?

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said “yes” . T...

- What was its name?

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, “Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last m...

- Do you know me?

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a triala grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, “...

- Finding a house

Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking ...

- Travel to heaven

This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to h...

- Old never dies

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balanceOLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are delete...

- Old never dies 2

OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expireOLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled overOLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six...

- Old never dies 3

OLD CANNERS never die, they are preservedOLD CARS never die, they just get run into the groundOLD CASHIERS never die, they just check outOLD CHAUFFEUR...

- Old never dies 4

OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribblingOLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz offOLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires...

- Old never dies 7

OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it HzOLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contactOLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, ...

- Old never dies 5

OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zoneOLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucketOLD FORESTERS never die, they just pin...

- Old never dies 6

OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail awayOLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that wayOLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final g...

- Old never dies 8

OLD KIDS never die, they just grow upOLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coilsOLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they ...

- Old never dies 10

OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change colorOLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselvesOLD MAIDS count on fingers,...

- Old never dies 9

OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played outOLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to barOLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go...

- Old never dies 13

OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zipOLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the typeOLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte itOL...

- Old never dies 11

OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receivingOLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derailOLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry upOLD SAILORS never...

- Old never dies 12

OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goalOLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kickOLD SOLDIERS never die, they ju...

- Old never dies 14

OLD WANTS never die, they become needsOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of timeOLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwindOLD WATCHMAKERS n...

- Old never dies 15

OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their classOLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringingOLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve t...

- An elderly woman entered a large furniture store...

An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. “Is there something in particular I can show you?&...

- Orange penis

An old man goes to the doctor and says “Dr. , I don't know what's wrong with me. My dick is orange.” The Dr. tells him to pull down his ...

- An elderly yuppie boasted to his guests...

” Look at me. ” an elderly Yuppie boasted to his guests at his birthday bash. “I've aged like a fine old carefully stored wine.&rdqu...

- A couple of geezers were sitting...

A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, havinga little chat. “How are you, Tom?” asked Marvin. “I'm n...

- An old man goes into the social security office...

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enou...

- This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th avenue...

This 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above “You will live to be 100. ” She looked around and di...
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