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Best funny Jokes Drunks

Here are the best funny Drunks jokes (39 jokes found):

- The eighteen bottles

The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottl...

- After a long pubcrawl...

After a long pubcrawl those two guys discuss wether the moon is red orgreen. Since they can't come to a conclusion they go searching a cop. Finally th...

- A fellow decides to take off early from work...

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enter...

- Two friends were out drinking...

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. ” One thing about Jim, &rdquo...

- At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy...

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon, ” answers the clerk. About...

- Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were...

Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1.t guy: Man, I was so drunk that last ...

- The sex talk

A drunk goes into a bar sits down and says hey hey bartender can we talk about politics The bartender says ? IF THERE IS ONE THING WE DON'T TALK A...

- This guys is sitting at the end of a bar...

This guys is sitting at the end of a bar. Each time someone comes in the door he says, rapidly, ” Tickle your ass with a feather?” At ...

- Little old mr. ravelli is on his front stoop...

Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie. A drunk comes walking along and says, “Hey, man....

- Warning labels

If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let's at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARN...

- A rather novel way to...

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the pub only to f...

- The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test...

The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the lasttest has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathro...

- A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested...

A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought: “Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry. ...

- One day, a smartie and a polo were having a drink in the pub...

One day, a Smartie and a Polo were having a drink in the pub. Suddenly the pub door swings open and in walks a Humbug? Fuck me? shouts Polo, and imme...

- Out of the greek myths

The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman deities Ceres, the god dess of agr...

- What is a breathanalyzer?

” Shhaaay yy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next barstool. “Well, I'd have to say it's a bag...

- A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way...

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way downa one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. “Didn'tyou see the arrow, buddy?&rdq...

- There was a drunk man walking down the street turning...

There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doin...

- A some what drunk man feels a...

A some what drunk man feels a bald man's head and says, “Say, your head feels just like my wife's ass.” The bald man feels his own head an...

- A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut...

A drunk leaves a bar and decides to take a shortcut througha graveyard. It is raining heavily and very dark. The drunkfails to see an open grave and f...

- Two drunks walk into a bar...

Two drunks walk into a bar. The first drunk looks at his buddy and says “I gotta go use the can. ” So he wonders off to the bathroom and i...

- A completely inebriated man was stumbling down...

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I've ...

- There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk...

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, “ATTENTION ALL” and farts loudl...

- Clearing it

A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that issitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner! Everyo...

- A drunk staggered into a cemetery and...

A drunk staggered into a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave. Pretty soon a second drunk staggered by. ” Get me out of here” , said...

- How can you tell?

” Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again. ” the wife told her husband. “How can you tell ?” he asked. “Did yo...

- What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic?

What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings. ...

- Alcohol kills slowly

” ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY” So what ? Who's in a hurry ? ...

- A woman goes into a bar with a little chihuahua dog...

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua dog on a leash. She sits down at the bar next to a drunk. The drunk rollsaround, leans over, and splat...

- Lost all my luggage

McAteer arrived at J. F. K. Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was alre...

- Drunk walks into elevator...

Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes, and then ...

- It's a ladybug

A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the barte...

- A horrible tragedy

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What's the problem?”...

- A man had been drinking at the bar for hours...

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned somethingabout his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it...

- There was a young scotsman called andy...

There was a young Scotsman called Andy, Who knocked over his bottle of Shandy. He lifted his kilt, To wipe up what he spilt, And the barmaid said, &ld...

- 5 drinks

A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on...

- Drinking problem

Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! Buford: The hell you don't! Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink... I...

- Sign of drinking problem

Sign of drinking problem... You shout, “I'm not as think you drunk I am. ”...

- Things that are difficult to say when you are drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: IndubitablyInnovativePreliminaryProliferationCinnamonTHINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YO...

 


 
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