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Best funny Jokes Doctor

Here are the best funny Doctor jokes (78 jokes found):

- I have good news and bad news

Patient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a bus. Patient: What happened? Doctor: Well, I've got some goo...

- Is she feeling any better?

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night? Nurse: No change yet. ...

- What should i do then?

Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up five more points? Doctor: Sell! ...

- Benefits of having alzheimer's disease

5. You never have to watch reruns on television. 4. You are always meeting new people. 3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints o...

- The prison hospital

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out o...

- How much will this cost me?

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $100.00. Patient: $100.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: Well, I can extract it very slow...

- Doctor! i swallowed a pillow!

Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow. Doctor: How do you feel? Patient: A little down in the mouth. ...

- Letters from charities

I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money. The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer's group. Funny though, they f...

- Would you please do me a favor?

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painfu...

- I can't find the cause of your pain

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, “I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking....

- An invisible man is here to see you

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next. ...

- Bad temper problem

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I...

- Will i live any longer?

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer. ...

- People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next! ...

- I want to lose some weight

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor. John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Of course! Cut yo...

- A doctor is complaining to a mechanic

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, “Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care.” “Yeah, but you s...

- Can i play the piano once these are off?

A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. “Doctor,” says the man...

- A man with a glass eye is here to see you

Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye? ...

- The results of the x-ray

Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show? Doctor: Absolutely nothing! ...

- Will this operation hurt me at all?

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown. ...

- A very interesting fact

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1, 000 bones in the human body? Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room! ...

- Get a heart transplant

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. ” Excuse me,” he said, “have...

- Preventive medicine belief

Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it! ...

- Do you have a solution?

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie! ...

- I have bad and very bad news

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test re...

- Did you take the patient's temperature?

Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing? ...

- We need to help these people

A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident. Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now! Nurse: What is it? Doctor: It's a...

- I've got good and bad

I've got good and bad This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news, wha...

- Did you ever have this before?

Doctor: Have you ever had this before? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, you've got it again! ...

- My son swallowed the can opener

Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of ...

- The bad and the worse news

A man visits the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face. Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and...

- My wife is beating me

David: My wife beats me, doctor. Doctor: Oh dear. How often? David: Every time we play Scrabble! ...

- I'm gaining weight doctor

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Trish: Really? What color? ...

- We are the best of friends

The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment...

- Does it hurt when you do this?

Doctor: Does it hurt when you do this? Patient: Yes. Doctor: Well, don't do that. ...

- Patient: my hair keeps falling out. what can you give me to keep it in?

Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A shoebox. ...

- What is your problem?

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the troubl...

- You're in great health

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty. Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now. Doctor: See, what did I tell you. ...

- Driving exams worry me

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner! ...

- The code of ethical behavior for patients

1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectiv...

- Problems remembering

Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem? ...

- Doctor, should i file my nails?

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails? Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else. ...

- I would like to havea second opinion

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor...

- I think i need a pair of glasses

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank. ...

- Put me into a fighting mood

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?...

- Get me an ambulence now

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance! ...

- Trouble sleeping

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked. “Well, I, uh, ” she st...

- Low self-esteem

A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts t...

- Loud, mad, or sad

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she ...

- How much for all night?

The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. “What seems to be the problem?” the doctor asked. “Well, I, uh, ” she st...

- Solving a problem

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; ...

- Crazy people talk

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to s...

- Scared sleeping

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I ge...

- Promoting an office

A psychotherapist was having a roaring business since he started from scratch. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advert...

- Doctors meeting

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, “Peop...

- Better relationship

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. “Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this.” “What's the pr...

- I often feel guilty

Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. “Doctor, you must help me, &rdqu...

- College physics

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. “Why do we ha...

- Different kinds of doctors

There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method: General Practitioners know nothi...

- Pete

Pete was sitting at home one evening when the doorbell rang. He opened the door to see a 6-foot-tall cockroach standing on his doorstep. The cockroach...
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