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Best funny Jokes Computers

Here are the best funny Computers jokes (156 jokes found):

- A talking frog

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said : “If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess. ” He be...

- What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer?

What do you get when you cross a hooker with a systems engineer? A fuckin know-it-all! ...

- Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to...

Two groups of computer experts were set up in order to findout whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female....

- If ibm made toasters...

If IBM made toasters... They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to besubmitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwidemar...

- Does dec still make toasters? . .

Does DEC still make toasters... ? They made good toasters in the '70s, didn't they? ...

- If hewlett-packard made toasters...

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters... They would market the Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread. ...

- If cray made toasters...

If Cray made toasters... They would cost $16 million but would be faster thanany other single-slice toaster in the world, at leastfor a couple of year...

- If wang made toasters...

If Wang made toasters... Marketing would never agree upon what customers really wantor need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spentin devel...

- A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center...

A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed water sports, liked company, f...

- There are four basic types of chain letters: i

There are four basic types of chain letters: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Chain Letter Type IHello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a sta...

- Chain letter type li

Chain Letter Type lI: Make a wish!!! (This is where you have to scroll down)Really, go on and make one wish!!! Oh please, s/he'll never go out with y...

- Chain letter type iii

Chain Letter Type IIIHi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This isabsolutely incredible because there was no email then and p...

- Chain letter type iv

Chain Letter Type IVAs if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends- A friend is someone who is always at ...

- The y-zero-k problem

The Y-Zero-K Problem Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC Dear Cassius: Are you still working on the Y zero K problem? Th...

- I heard on the news last night that bill gates and...

I heard on the news last night that Bill Gates and his wife are expecting a baby in June. I'm betting the baby will be late. ...

- Why did marshall applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated?

Q: Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated? A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work with...

- We've all heared that a million monkeys banging on a...

We've all heared that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to th...

- Abraham wants to upgrade his pc to windows 95...

Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Isaac is incredulous. 'Pop, ' he says, 'you can't run Windows 95 on yourold, slow 386. Everyone knows t...

- Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies ...

- Bill gates picks his own punishment

Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big...

- Would you define ocr?

OCR - Optical Character RecognitionA technology that can take written words and convert them back into computer-readable form, provided they're in the...

- Top ten ways y2k will affect disney world

10. Accidental switch back to 19, 000 Leagues Under the Sea. 9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit. 8. Air traffic control ...

- Floppy disk care

By following the instructions below, you should have error-free, long-lasting floppy disks. Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak ...

- Mailing list users changing light bulbs

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb? A: Exactly five hundred. 1.to change the light bulb and to post to t...

- Some possible computer bumper stickers

1. BREAKFAST. COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding 2. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 7. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep...

- Error codes in windows

WinErr 001: Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr 002: No Error - Yet WinErr 003: Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr ...

- The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20, 000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running. 8...

- The 25 bbs comm andments

Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes. Thou shalt remember thy name and password. Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day. H...

- Why the television is better than the world wide web

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 9. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place&rdquo...

- Car break trouble

Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenl...

- Alice is in unix land

” Can you help me? asked Alice. ” No,” said Negative. “I'm looking for a white consultant. ” Alice pointed in the direc...

- Husband 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it's a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available...

- Great news for bill gates

Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. S...

- Confusion about y2k

Dear Boss, I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me. At a...

- Girlfriend 1.0 software

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0, an...

- Hacker syndrome

There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why t...

- How to shoot yourself in the foot

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette....

- Twas the night before crisis

Twas the night before crisis, And all through the house, Not a program was working, Not even a browse. Programmers were wrung out, Too mindless to car...

- Emacs acronyms

EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-ShiftEMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly SwappingEMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes SimplerEMACS: Emacs Manuals Are C...

- Computer help stories

AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller said she couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. Jay Ablinger, a Dell Computer Corp. Technicia...

- Architect programmer

If architects had to work like programmers ... Dear Mr. Architect, Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you shou...

- The ten comm andments for c programmers

1. Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine. 2. Thou shalt ...

- Programming language acronyms

ADA: A Dumb ArrangementADA: A Dumb AcronymADA: A Dumb AnnoyanceBASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic CodersBASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical ...

- If ibm ran christmas...

They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of m...

- If silicon graphics ran christmas...

Ornaments would be priced slightly higher, but would hang on the tree remarkably quickly. Also the colors of the ornaments would be prettier than most...

- If dell ran christmas...

Wait a minute? Isn't IBM running this Christmas.. ? ...

- If fisher price ran christmas...

” Baby's First Ornament” would have a hand-crank that you turn to hang the thing on the tree. ...

- If the rand corporation ran christmas...

The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for everyone, but no one would know ...

- If the nsa ran christmas...

Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to monitor your tree for reasons of national security....

- If hewlett-packard ran christmas...

They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is put in your attic on the weekend after Thanksgiving, and placed out for viewing the day after ...

- If sony ran christmas...

Their Personal Xmas-ing Device, which would be barely larger than an ornament and flat, would allow you to celebrate the season with a device attached...

- If the franklin mint ran christmas...

Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted item from an authentic Civil War pewter ornament collection. Each ornament would weight abo...

- If cray ran christmas...

The holiday season would cost $16 million but would be celebrated faster than any other holiday during the year. ...

- If thinking machines ran christmas...

You would be able to hang over 64, 000 ornaments on your tree (all identical) at the same time. ...

- If timex ran christmas...

The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would let you take a licking and keep on shopping. ...

- If radio shack ran christmas...

he staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything about them or what they were for. Or you could buy parts to build your own tree. ...

- If university of waterloo ran christmas...

They would immediately change the name to WatMas. ...

- The top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail account

10. ” Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon. com backing into our driveway?” 9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head whi...

- Programmer's drinking song

99 little bugs in the code, 99 bugs in the code, Fix one bug, compile it again, 101 little bugs in the code. 101.little bugs in the code, 101 bugs in ...

- The computer user's reboot poem

Don't you wish when life is bad and things just don't compute, That all we really had to dowas stop and hit reboot? Things would all turn out ok, life...
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