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Best funny Jokes Christmas

Here are the best funny Christmas jokes (56 jokes found):

- Christmas jokes - question and answer

Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: “I don't like sprouts” ! Q: If...

- On the twelve days of christmas, my true love gave to me ...

December 14, 2003 Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn'...

- A martha stewart christmas

Dear Santa: I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don't need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one li...

- Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it's raining,&rd...

- Signs you've had too much holiday cheer

1. You strike a match and light your nose. 2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad. 3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you. ...

- Did santa give you that present?

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, &ldquo...

- Enter the pearly gates

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present som...

- Twenty ways to confuse santa claus

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he's in the ...

- A parent's night before christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the houseI searched for the tools to hand to my spouse. Instructions were studied and we were inspir...

- Ten things to say about gifts you don't like

10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would've fit. 9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from m...

- Some musical christmas advice

Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price,...

- The first reindeer seen in a bar

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, t...

- The strange christmas scene

In a small southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature both...

- The night before christmas for an attorney

Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival, throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturban...

- Christmas downsizing

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy ...

- It was the night before finals

It'was the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying for last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none tou...

- The twelve days after christmas

The first day after ChristmasMy true love and I had a fight And so I chopped the pear tree down And burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartri...

- Revised christmas days

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the “Twelve Days of Christmas” subsidiary: 1) The par...

- Addicted to the web

(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderl and” )Doorbell rings, I'm not list'nin', From my mouth, drool is glist'nin', I'm happy althoughMy bo...

- An internet christmas

T'was the Internet Night Before Christmas'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker's a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you ...

- Your father is drunk

To The Tune Of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town Oh you better not shout, you better not cry, You better not pout, I'm tellin' you why, Daddy's home and I...

- Twelve days of fast food

On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, My drive through gave to ...

- Twelve days microsoft

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Windows 95 for my PC On the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 2 GPFs, and Windows 9...

- Short reindeer jokes

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you ! Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are both tail bearers ! W...

- Short snow jokes

What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy? She gave him the cold shoulder! What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps! What's an ig...

- Short christmas jokes

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ? It's Christmas, Eve ! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day ? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve...

- Knock knock christmas

Knock KnockWho's there ? WenceslasWenceslas who ? Wenceslas train home ? Knock KnockWho's there ? SnowSnow who ? Snow business like show business !...

- Short father christmas

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now that s what you cal...

- Santa hates your kid

8. Kid's letter to north pole comes back stamped, “Dream on, Chester!” 7. Kid asks for new bike, gets pack of smokes 6. Along with pr...

- Optimist vs. pessimist

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one sai...

- Santa vs. system admins

The similarities between Santa and System Admins 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds o...

- Signs you bought a lousy tree

8. Two feet tall, forty feet wide 7. Salesman's opening line: “You're not a cop, are you?” 6. It looks suspiciously like a broom han...

- Santa's pet peeves

Department Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that it's fruitcake on your breath and not gin. 7. When the last guy to use the beard l...

- Without a christmas bonus

Ten signs you're not getting a christmas bonus 10. Co-workers refer to you as “the ghost of unemployment future” 9. The last time you s...

- Sick of the holidays

Signs You're Sick of the Holidays 8. You've got red and green bags under your eyes 7. You're serving reindeer pot pie 6. When you hear, “Sl...

- The christmas diet song

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer wi...

- The police officer's christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hungon the wall wit...

- I want to see something really cheap

After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?...

- The faa inspection

With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus's sleigh before allowing him to...

- The politically correct christmas

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me: TWE...

- Rating your christmas parties

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a n...

- The twelve days of windows 95

On the 1st day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ... Windows 95 for my PCOn the 2nd day of Christmas, my true love gave to me ... 2 GPFs and Windo...

- The australian christmas

Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat awayHere comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleighNever hav...

- The shopping criminal

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, ” What are you charged with?”“Doing my Christmas shoppi...

- You need to join the lord's army

Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed J...

- The chinese pay off their debts

Jones: “The chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Year's Day. ” Smith: “So I understand, but, then aga...

- Billy gates writes to santa

Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you've had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It's really neat how you're able ...

- What is a stable?

Every Christmas morning, when my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family bible. When my son was old enough to talk, he ...

- Italian night before christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla. When up on da roof I heard some...

- Poor turkey!

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, my big brother Tom took me out on the stoop, then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, and he told me t...

- Homemade bargain gift

Here's a money saving tip for Christmas: Glue Ju Ju Bee on a Brick and mail it out as a fruitcake! -Julie Brown...

- Christmas at the post office

Mail your packages early so that the post office can lose them in time for Christmas! -Johnny Carson...

- The office christmas party

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day! -Phyllis Diller...

- Believing in santa

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything! -Charlie Vir...

- The miracle of christmas

I think the real miracle of Christmasis how I get through it each year without killing my relatives! -Reno Goodale...

- Bad santa

A little girl asked santa to send her a sister. Santa said on one condition, send me your mother. ...

 


 
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