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Best funny Jokes Bar

Here are the best funny Bar jokes (84 jokes found):

- Looking to buy a frog?

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender considers...

- Arriving home very drunk

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Wh...

- I didn't get any money this time

A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What's the problem?”...

- You looked a lot like my wife

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped ...

- Making a bet at a bar

Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously...

- A nun arrives at the local bar

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his tab...

- Newly issued alcohol warnings

The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking ...

- Reasons to allow drinking at work

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allo...

- A neutron at a bar

A neutron walks into a bar. “I'd like a beer” he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. “How much will that be?” asks ...

- I have a magical dancing duck

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap danc...

- He is a very fast drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What'll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set m...

- A bet made at the local bar

A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, t...

- What causes people to have arthritis?

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, an...

- The customs of an irishman

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When ...

- You can't bring that dog in this bar

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can't bring that dog in here!” The g...

- The story of a very short man

A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. ” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” T...

- I'm just trying to be helpful

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live ...

- They are stopped by the police

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped becau...

- A seal visits a local bar

A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, “What's your pleasure?” The seal replies, “...

- A man takes the ferry home from work

John Smith lived in Staten island, New York and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the fe...

- Female hormones in beer

Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed one hundred me...

- A very depressed man

There's a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to h...

- Where is this bus going?

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, &ldquo...

- Three vampires go to a bar

Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire respo...

- Does your dog bite?

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?”“No. ” A few minutes later the...

- A golf club visits a local bar

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not, ” asks the golf club...

- I am afraid of that tarmac

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway...

- I don't owe anything for this drink

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What'll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands hi...

- A brain goes to a local bar

A brain walks into a bar and says, “I'll have a pint of beer please.” The barman looks at him and says “Sorry, I can't serve you.&rd...

- The wife is not speaking to me

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worri...

- If she went out with me

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in t...

- Who gave you those black eyes?

A regular at Bob's Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. “Whoa, Sam!” sai...

- Free drinks for everyone

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender. ” So the bartende...

- This pill allows you to fly

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and z...

- I'll trust you that you paid

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. ” But I paid, don't you remember?&rdqu...

- Driving home very drunk

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't...

- I get so drunk that i imagine things

The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, “What do you have in there, p...

- The beer prayer

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hollowed be thy drink. I will be drunk, At home as in the travern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us ou...

- I'm trying to prove a point

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with wa...

- A pirate at the local bar discusses his past

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye pa...

- There is a monkey in the bar

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals...

- Top ten signs that you are too drunk

10. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth. 9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. 8. The back of your head...

- A drunk orders himself a beer

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the barte...

- Who keeps saying those things?

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work. As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively “You've got great hair!&rdquo...

- Someone stole things from me

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. ” They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio...

- I think i'll try a nicer approach

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each nig...

- Bad luck finding a place to hide

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight...

- I know you were drunk yesterday

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely dru...

- My girlfriend is out in the car

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because i...

- I bet i can bite both of my eyes

A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I'll...

- I only ordered a double

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me...

- This tells me that i must be drunk

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt po...

- Two men walked into a bar

Two men walked into a bar. You would think at least one of them would have ducked. ...

- Some yogurt visits a local bar

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don't serve your kind in here. ” ...

- Some very common traits in two drunks

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course, ” comes the reply. The first man...

- The number twelve goes to a bar

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. ” Sorry I can't serve you, ” states the barman. “Why not?!&...

- Who is drunk ?

The Five Stages Of Drunkeness : Stage 1 - CLEVER This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. You know you kn...

- Two irish men in a bar

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went. Guy 1: Ya...

- Flush

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few m...

- Drunk guy and the nun

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk. When the bar closed he got up to go home. As he stumble...
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